John's fireball

an avalanche of not afraid

My [info]rs_small_gifts art reposted.
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
First thing I've done for an exchange and despite its faults I quite like it. I will hopefully read through most of the other excellent gifts posted there and maybe do some recs.

Title: Sea Spray
Artist: [info]coldneedles
Drawn for: [info]such_heights
Rating: G
Prompt: art for any of my fics.
Media: pen drawings coloured and assembled in photoshop.
Summary: art for the story The Shores of the Sea
Any other notes, warnings, etc.: Copious use of references and bad hair for all involved. Made up of lots of individual pictures that I can also post larger and seperately if wanted.
Hope you enjoy!

Link to art

Writer's Block: Resolved
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles

A lot of resolutions, from the mundane to the truly ambitious, are being made today. What are your New Year's resolutions? Do you think you're likely to stick to them past the month of January?


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My resolution this year is to not put off unpleasant/important/boring tasks, which I started doing today by filling in my diary. I either don't make resolutions or a write a Bridget Jones style long list which I never achieve. I'm pretty sure I will follow this resoultion at least 60% of the time.

Writer's Block: Ten for the Tenth
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles

Some people spend their whole lives preparing the answer to this question: What albums are on your personal all-time Top 10 list?


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I am widely variable, so this could change in five seconds. Thse are not what I percieve to be the best alubmns of all time, just some personal favourites.

In no particular order:

1) Nevermind-Nirvanna.
2) Tapestry-Carol King.
3) Horses-Patti Smith.
4) London Calling- The Clash.
5) Surfer Rosa and Come on Pilgrim- Pixies (I know this is a cheat, but I have the two on one albumn).
6) Exile from Guyville- Liz Phair.
7) Number One Singles- The Beatles.
8) Physical Graffiti- Led Zeppelin.
9) Germ Free Adolescence- X-ray Spex.
10)The Mountain- Steve Earle.

My life: warning for disability themes?
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
The BBC reports:

A film that stars disabled actors has caused controversy because it was given a 12A rating warning viewers that disabled people were featured in it.

Special People, which was largely shot in Worcestershire, is one of the first movies to use disabled lead actors, its director has said.

But its stars said it was unfair they were singled out by an advisory note. [...]

Director Justin Edgar, who is originally from Handsworth, in Birmingham, said: “It premiered last night and we have already had complaints from the actors and some disability groups in the audience who were angry about the advisory note warning people that disabled actors were used.

Special People film director Justin Edgar
Mr Edgar said he was one of the first to cast disabled actors as the leads

“You don’t get films with black people or women being categorised in this way, so why do it for films with disabled people in them?”


WTF?

I don't buy that children would be distressed by seeing people with disabilities in a film, because (newsflash):

-some children are disabled.
-some of their parents and guardians will be disabled.
-it is highly unlikely that they will never have seen disability before.

My family are not particulary unusual, but if we look:

-My Mum has had depression and has only one functioning eye.
-I have depression and anxiety.
-My Grandad has had a stroke and now must walk with a walking frame.
-My brother had delayed visual maturation and some unexplained seizures.
-My Grandma has depression and anxiety and only one lung (she had oe removed because of cancer).
-Another Grandma has at one point been on anti-depressants, as has one of my Uncles.
-One Aunt has some post viral problems and has panic attacks.
-Another Aunt has vitamin absorption problems (too long and complex to explain).
-Yet another Aunt has MS.

These aren't always "obvious", visable disabilities and we're not an unusually "sickly" family, but I'm using this to make a point that disability is part of most people's lives. It is not something that happens to other people or something that we should shy away from.

We are all only temporarily abled if we are not disabled in some way. The privilege that able (bodied) people benefit from can easily be lost. The image of the flawless human that we seem to model "normal" around is not a reality. If disability themes in a film need warning for then smack a warning on my life. Hell, smack one on the entire world!

(via Hoyden About Town via Disaboom.

Waking up to say I tried, instead of waking up to another TV guide...
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
A couple of weeks or months ago I'd have wrote a sickeningly happy entry talking about how my depression and anxiety have eased off, how I was interested in things again, how my trip to Australia went much better than I thought, how I was planning for Uni and the future, how I got good AS grades.

Generally, that life was good. Not easy, not depression and anxiety free, but manageable.

Unfortunately that didn't last long.

At the moment my mood is not too bad, but I am exhausted all the time, permanently achy like I'm going down with the flu. I've had a blood test done, but nothing came up. Now I'm really worried that I might have something like chronic fatigue syndrome. I also think my tiredness going to get dismissed as depression-related, which I don't think is the whole truth.

Along with the guilt I feel about not doing things because of tiredness, I'm also worrying that I'm just lazy and like being sick and that therefore I'm a horrible, worthless person...

I'm not in the state I was in a few months ago (constantly sobbing, anxiety attacks, no hope for the future, no desire to do anything, totally empty and pessimistic, gruesome mental images), which is excellent.

But I feel that I want a break, like if it's not one thing it's another. It's so frustrating to be resonably managing one (two?) problems and then be given another one.

Sorry to be kind of whiney, but I thought I'd explain why I haven't been posting. I reckon I'll stick to posting mostly fandom and political stuff, because my personal life is boring and also hard for me to write about.

Take care and know that I'm thinking of you,

A.
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Vile transphobe Julie Bindel gets nominated for Stonewall Journalist of the Year award.
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
Long, well written details in a number of places, but I found out the details via [info]auntysarah.

Short version: fuck your casual attitude to transphobia, Stonewall. FUCK YOU.

You can send an email at info@stonewall.org.uk to complain. I sent this:

I am writing to complain about the poor judgment, if not deliberate bigotry, that Stonewall have displayed by nominating Julie Bindel for a journalism award.

Put plainly, Bindel is transphobic. She has written that she consider sex-reassignment surgery to be “mutilation” and argues that it would not exist in a world that was less mired in gender roles. This has been contrary to what many trans people say about their own lives. In most cases transsexuality is about changing the body to match internal and personal body image (subconscious sex), not a desire to act out gender stereotypes. Bindel has in fact spoken over the voices of an oppressed group and erased their real lives to promote her theories about gender. She describes trans woman Kimberley Nixon derisively, saying that:

“The arrogance is staggering: having not experienced life as a "woman" until middle age, Nixon assumed "she" would be suitable to counsel women who have chosen to access a service that offers support from women who have suffered similar experiences, not from a man in a dress! The Rape Relief sisters, who do not believe a surgically constructed vagina and hormonally grown breasts make you a woman, successfully challenged the ruling and, for now at least, the law says that to suffer discrimination as a woman you have to be, er, a woman.”

It is obvious from the tone of this extract that she does not consider trans women to be women, regardless of their own identification. This is transphobic.

Although your organisation does not seem to include trans issues (despite taking its name from a fundamental event in the LGBT rights movement that was sparked off by trans people), I consider that this action shames your organisation as a whole. It may be arguable that you have nominated Bindel for her other journalist work and not her entire body of writing, but consider whether this would be appropriate if a writer known for outstanding work on lesbian, gay and bisexual rights had also written blatantly racist articles. The obvious answer is that it is that is not. You seem to have overlooked the fact that many trans people are gay, lesbian, bisexual or queer and that this nomination has caused them great offence and shown that this organisation is not a welcoming place for them.

Additionally, Bindel writes as a cissexual (i.e. non trans) person and claims to know the motivations of trans people in transitioning, rather than listening to their own experiences. I can imagine that you would look negatively on a straight writer who claimed to know the true motivations of queer sexuality. A crucial part of the LGBT rights movement has been in allowing queer people to self-define and not to be trapped in the descriptions and names given by a hostile and hetronormative society. Bindel denies the gender-identification of trans people. She argues that trans people need psychological help, a description eerily close to the reparative therapy that GLB people have had to (and continue to) go through.

To make it clear, I am not taking issue with feminism or GLB rights (indeed I consider myself a feminist and I am queer myself) but simply the transphobic views expressed by some in these movements, of which Julie Bindel is a vocal element. I would urge Stonewall to reconsider.

Yours Sincerely,

x

There is a petition (http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Stonewall1/) and a facebook group for a protest (http://www.facebook.com/login.php).

False Prophet
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
Author: Coldneedles.
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1,053
Disclaimer: Hollyoaks and its characters do not belong to me and I am making no profit from them.
Pairing: Hannah/Melissa (although only vaguely), some mention of Hannah/Danny.
Summary: They never talk about it again and now it’s just a secret between Hannah and a dead girl. A moment with Melissa that Hannah can’t forget. Just a one-shot.
Warnings: Deals with anorexia and therefore may trigger, although it does not intend to glorify or promote eating disorders.

False Prophet )

mix a gin and sink into oblivion
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
Title: mix a gin and sink into oblivion
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: alcoholism, incredibly depressing.
Word Count: 500
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Prompts: Grimmauld palace, bottle, lies, the last time, getting caught.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and I make no money from their usage. Title from a Cold War Kids song “We used to vacation”.

written for [info]sirius_remus100.

mix a gin and sink into oblivion )

Disgusting t-shirt making light of rape
Patti Smith
[info]coldneedles
I already posted this to [info]kissmyassvogue, but I'll post on my own journal as well.

The f-word uk blog picked up on this t-shirt from David and Goliath (the same company behind the dubious "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" brand).

Image under the cut )

I very quickly emailed them at david@davidandgoliath.com, although other people emailed them at questions@davidandgoliath.com. Perhaps mean spiritedly I hope the company gets floods of complaints about this. Complain to them!

"Your "No means no, well maybe if I'm drunk!" is a horribly tasteless and irresponsible. I cannot believe that a retailer would actually produce a t-shirt making light of rape, especially aimed at a young audience. This perpetuates the view that plying someone with alcohol until they 'consent' is acceptable. Shame on you!"

I have seen many t-shirts with similar sentiments, so it certainly says a lot about what some clothing companies think of women and rape. Frighteningly a lot of the public probably shares the same attitudes.
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For [info]sasha_lilyrat : Ginny/Luna
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
femmeslash sketch under the cut )

Look at my neuroticism! Marvel at its magnitude!
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles

My Personality
Neuroticism
95
Extraversion
1
Openness To Experience
70
Agreeableness
57
Conscientiousness
32
You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge, however you tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You tend not to express your emotions openly and are sometimes not even aware of your own feelings. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

The best Asian MySpace Layouts.

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Why must you torture me, days of the week?
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
So, I was looking around online at bands I like on Myspace and then I saw that CSS are coming to Cambridge corn exchange, about one and a half miles away from where I live. Plus it's only £16.50!

I love CSS and I could do with going to see a gig (I've only been to really crappy stuff in Bourne and Stamford), but its on a Monday(December the 10th), which would mean a really late night on a school night.

I so want to go though.

My Mum would probably let me, but she'd probably want to be ludicrously over-protective and come with me and my mates, which I don't want, but would be handy for transport, although the height of uncool. Plus, none of my friends are CSS fans or have even heard of them, so they might not want to go. I must buy the album and lend it to convert them. To make matters worse, I'm slightly claustrophobic and nervous in crowds, so I might freak out.

Steve Earle is also coming at a later date, but I can definitely say that none of my friends will want to see him.
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Feeling ill and crappy
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
Today and yesterday I didn't go to school, because I felt really ill, with nausea and a sort of achy,lethargic feeling. I'm slightly regretting that because I feel like that deciding not to do was mostly to do with feeling exhausted and emotionally very low, instead of actually feeling ill. I haven't actually thrown up, I don't have a fever and I've managed to eat fairly normally, but I just feel crappy. I'm going to get so behind on my work, but the longer I'm away from school the less I want to go back, as I am not in the right frame of mind/health to do anything.

So, basically whiny post, but I bring random music videos to cheer myself up. )
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Neither my room or my mind will ever be clean again...
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
My mind won't ever be clean again, because I did two things:

1) I read a Fidel Castro/Che Guevara slash fanfiction, which I inadvertently stumbled across when doing a interest search for Lenin (highly relevant to history AS level). It was (hopefully) a piss take, but I am still disturbed, because now I can think of further communist slash fanfics (if hate = secret love then Trotsky/Stalin would be a popular OTP).

I do take history seriously, honest.

2) We were watching a DVD in a religious studies lesson (the less interesting one where we study the gospel of Luke), called the Miracles of Jesus. Both me and my friend Laura found the guy who played Jesus blasphemously hot. I think it was because this Jesus wasn't wasn't all meek and mild, but kind of angry and moody, yet purposeful. The documentary viewed Jesus' miracles as political acts and portrayed him as "the ultimate rebel."

He also had better hair then the usual depictions of Jesus,although I couldn't get a picture that showed this. I am so going to hell, although I was going any way. The documentary itself was thought provoking

We were talking about the perception of Jesus as quite mild-mannered while we were walking home.

Jess: Jesus shouldn't be angry.
Me: I would be, I mean he's hardly going to be like 'oh, you've done such a good job of looking after the world, I really like what you've done with creation.'

(I'm not religious or anything, but anyone with eyes can see that humans haven't treated the planet or our fellow humans very well.)

My room will never be clean again, because I have been half-way through painting it since summer and I am still procrastinating. I fail at motivating myself to do uninteresting things. What totally doesn't help is the rubbish quality of most of my materials. I have red paint that supposedly needs only one coat and is meant to be very durable. To this I say bollocks! The paint is already chipping and needs another coat. Also, masking tape from Homebase should not strip away paintwork when you put it around your fittings.

I am never going to finish at this rate, so I am living in a bombsite. I just feel really apathetic. This week, I think for the first time since the summer, I woke up one morning feeling depressed, like the entire day would be rubbish and there was no point in getting up. This was for no good reason, but I just felt like crying. It was really scary, because I felt like that for pretty much the entire summer, which was partly why I didn't finish my room. I felt reasonable all week,so I hope it's passed.

Missing the point!
Patti Smith
[info]coldneedles
I know that expecting intelligence from most YouTube commenters is probably a bad idea, but do you ever feel that with music that some of the artist's own fans completely miss the point?

Examples and videos )

I guess people always bring their own preconceptions to things and that influences how they interpret things, which can be fun, but is also frustrating. I'd still hate to have only one correct interpretation for things, although sometimes I wonder if other people are listening to a different song to me!

Fairly pointless rant, but a good excuse to post loads of music videos.

DH Spoiler fanart
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
Despite initially hating the epilogue, I'm quite into the next-generation characters. So, here's some Teddy Lupin fanart. I've edited this entry multiple times, because my coding won't work.

Title: Windowsill Ritual
Rating: G
Medium: initially an ink pen drawing,but coloured and doctored in photoshop
Description/notes: kind of goes with a drabble I wrote that you can also find here
Teaser:



Windowsill Ritual Art )

Title: untitled
Rating: G
Medium: oil pastel
Description/notes: just a portrait. I used to really like this, but now I'm not so sure.
Teaser:



portrait )

From Paris to Berlin, in every disco I get in....
Patti Smith
[info]coldneedles
No, I didn't go to Paris or to any discos, but over half term I went to Berlin with my family, for about four days. It was really awesome, but in the kind of way that's hard to describe. There wasn't any grand highlights of the trip, but I just enjoyed the atmosphere of being in a foreign country. I love big cities. I love knowing that there are art galleries, museums, concerts and specialty book stores I could go to, even though at home I don't go out much. I feel like I live in a cultural desert here. I like looking at cosmopolitan cool people even though I know I am not one of them.

my heart is pumping for love )



This is the (rather cheesy) video for From Paris to Berlin by Infernal, a Danish (I think) dance music group. I've just realised that the London to Berlin version would be more appropriate, but it's about the world cup and football and is generally a worse version. For someone who's always been a bit indie, I have an unfortunate weakness for cheesy dance music and pop. Having said that, I outright despise almost all mainstream ballads, especially those in the Westlife mold.

DH spoilers, next generation drabbles.
John's fireball
[info]coldneedles
My first attempts at drabbles.Cross posted at [Bad username: ”dh_epilogue100”]


Title: Windowsill Ritual
Author: Coldneedles
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Teddy
Challenge : 4, word prompt
House/School: Ravenclaw
Author's Notes: I know that Rowling said that Teddy wasn’t a werewolf, but I like to think he’s inherited some characteristics. Only very loosely based on the prompt.

”Windowsill )


Title: Christmas Present
Author: Coldneedles
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: James/Scorpius
Challenge: 4,spell prompt
House/School: Ravenclaw

”Christmas )


Title: Status Symbol
Author: Coldneedles
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings : James
Challenge: 4,song prompt
House/School: Ravenclaw
Summary : they'll tightly wrap you around their fingers/and brag to all their friends/it's nothing but a game to them

”Status )


Title: Wedding Plans
Author: Coldneedles
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Teddy, Lily, Teddy/Victoire mentioned
Challenge: 4,picture prompt
House/School: Ravenclaw

”Wedding )


Title: Virtues
Author: Coldneedles
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: James, Neville, Scorpius discussed.
Challenge:4, bonus prompt
House/School: Ravenclaw

”Virtues” )

New layout
Patti Smith
[info]coldneedles
Whe I should be writing my mountain load of essays and homework, I have wasted time by totally changing my layout. In my defense I was going to do it last night, but my internet cut out as I was doing it, leaving me very frustrated and my journal a complete mess, so I had to change it this morning.

I'm not completly happy with it (I think the header would be better without the text), but I thought I needed a change and something more colourful.

What do you think?
Tags:

Real Life Update (I'm not dead.)
Patti Smith
[info]coldneedles
I have been so slack on the updating front,so if anyone cares, I'm sorry. I've been fairly busy with school, but mostly just lazy.

School is very good. I've cut this as the text is long and boring and there's a picture of a penis in a jar )
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